We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
