i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
