we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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