well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
