why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
