you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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