i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
