You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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