I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Randomize
