Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
