I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
