Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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