Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
