I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Someone signed my nipple.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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