After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She needs sedatives and a leash
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
