I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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