no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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