my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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