Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
