I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
