you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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