watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
