They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
