I'd wear matching sweaters with you
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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