remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
