I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
