I want to have your abortion
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize
