Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
