the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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