I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
