I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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