I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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