She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
