I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I touched a dick in church today
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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