It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
