I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it was like eating out sand paper
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
