WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
false alarm. still invincible.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
