I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
