No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
