this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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