this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
