saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
