it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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