note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
