So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
