They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
