i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
