I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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