Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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