Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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