hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
