Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
