Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You know, be my cock's hype man.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
