Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
