I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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