I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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