I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
