New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
