Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
how does that bad decision feel?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
