Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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