Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
