I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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