I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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