Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
