omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
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I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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