and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
