So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You may now shotgun with the bride
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
