Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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